A crime of passion. A passion so compelling that it overtook a life tonight.
We live in a terrible world.
Hate and fear walk so closely together that it's hard to tell where one stops and the other begins.
These things consume.
I was not there. I did not witness. But the description of a blood-stained sheet exiting a house to an ambulance that has no need to run it's sirens or lights and the confusion and terror and anger and fear that permeated the air are circling inside of my head.
I want to cry and scream. I want to conjure up anger at this situation. But anger leads to hate. And I know that they are connected. And then there is fear, fear is the before and the after and the in-between. Fear births anger and hate and is also born of the anger and hate. How awful it is to live with fear, in fear.
I do not want to fear. And I won't. I know tomorrow I will carry the hope for myself and dozens of others. But tonight hope is a heavy burden and despair is settling in like a persistent fog. Because even if I don't give into the fear, others will, have, do and that is a dark hole to claw out of.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
It's just knowing that I will never live this down.
Over Easter weekend I did something terrible to my husband.
He's never been good at accepting practical jokes. One time, many years ago in our first apartment, I played a practical joke on him. Actually, it was played on me first. The kids I nannied came over to my apartment for a visit with thier mom. Aggie was a great joker. She had been threatening to "get me" since my wedding where I all but thwarted all her attempts to play a trick on me. So I suppose she was looking for a good one and I provided a great opportunity. After making pudding with the kids and eating it, we put our dishes in the sink. I went back to the sink a few minutes later and there was pudding smeared everywhere inside the sink. So I instictively turned on the water faucet to rinse it out. Aggie had taped the spray nozzel handle down in the ON position, and left it in the cradle next to the faucet. The second I turned on the water my shirt was drenched.
I thought it was such a good joke that I called my husband over to get him too. But when he turned on the water and I laughed, he stormed into the bedroom and LOCKED THE DOOR. He growled when I tried to talk to him and was in general so upset that I felt like pooh.
I suppose I have felt pretty bad about this incident ever since and I use it as my basis for pointing out to him what a terrible sense of humor he can have when it comes to me.
But despite his sometimes aweful sense of humor, I still tweak his ears and flick his nose every once in a while just for fun. So a few weekends ago, over Easter break we were out to eat with his brothers. I was getting bored waiting for our food to arrive and pulling out my lighter, waved the flame near the arm of his shirt. And it CAUGHT ON FIRE!! I watched in horror as the wispy blue flames licked up his arm then his side. It was catching on fumes or little fuzzies or something because I swear that I did not actually touch his shirt with the flame. I was babbling and blubbering and watching my husband go up in blue flame.
He of course caught on and was able to get the fire out and in his efforts came really close to stripping in the restaraunt. And he was angry at me. And I figure that if a little water 5 years ago made him upset, then I am never going to live down catching him on fire.
He's never been good at accepting practical jokes. One time, many years ago in our first apartment, I played a practical joke on him. Actually, it was played on me first. The kids I nannied came over to my apartment for a visit with thier mom. Aggie was a great joker. She had been threatening to "get me" since my wedding where I all but thwarted all her attempts to play a trick on me. So I suppose she was looking for a good one and I provided a great opportunity. After making pudding with the kids and eating it, we put our dishes in the sink. I went back to the sink a few minutes later and there was pudding smeared everywhere inside the sink. So I instictively turned on the water faucet to rinse it out. Aggie had taped the spray nozzel handle down in the ON position, and left it in the cradle next to the faucet. The second I turned on the water my shirt was drenched.
I thought it was such a good joke that I called my husband over to get him too. But when he turned on the water and I laughed, he stormed into the bedroom and LOCKED THE DOOR. He growled when I tried to talk to him and was in general so upset that I felt like pooh.
I suppose I have felt pretty bad about this incident ever since and I use it as my basis for pointing out to him what a terrible sense of humor he can have when it comes to me.
But despite his sometimes aweful sense of humor, I still tweak his ears and flick his nose every once in a while just for fun. So a few weekends ago, over Easter break we were out to eat with his brothers. I was getting bored waiting for our food to arrive and pulling out my lighter, waved the flame near the arm of his shirt. And it CAUGHT ON FIRE!! I watched in horror as the wispy blue flames licked up his arm then his side. It was catching on fumes or little fuzzies or something because I swear that I did not actually touch his shirt with the flame. I was babbling and blubbering and watching my husband go up in blue flame.
He of course caught on and was able to get the fire out and in his efforts came really close to stripping in the restaraunt. And he was angry at me. And I figure that if a little water 5 years ago made him upset, then I am never going to live down catching him on fire.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
it's shouting out innappropriate comments
I sat in a meeting a few weeks ago. Eight hours of training. And I have been so anxious and so stressed out at work that 8 hours of doing "nothing" to diminish my amazing pile of things TO-DO, I thought I was going to go crazy.
So I am sitting in this meeting doing nothing but tapping my feet and fingers, bouncing my knees up and down and suddenly it occurs to me that I can be texting! Hell yeah. Except I have only 1 friend who would even answer a text during the day. So we decided that I needed to shout out the word "Boobies!" in the meeting. I chickened out, of course.
Now I feel like I have missed out on something really important in my life. But I feel like i really need an incentive. So internet of 4 followers: will someone be willing to pay me to shout "BOOBIES!" to my boss in the next session of the 8-hour long training?
Let me know
So I am sitting in this meeting doing nothing but tapping my feet and fingers, bouncing my knees up and down and suddenly it occurs to me that I can be texting! Hell yeah. Except I have only 1 friend who would even answer a text during the day. So we decided that I needed to shout out the word "Boobies!" in the meeting. I chickened out, of course.
Now I feel like I have missed out on something really important in my life. But I feel like i really need an incentive. So internet of 4 followers: will someone be willing to pay me to shout "BOOBIES!" to my boss in the next session of the 8-hour long training?
Let me know
Sunday, April 5, 2009
It's fun to Stumble
Because i like to always be doing 2+ things at a time, I Stumble a lot.
And here is my disturbing image for the day:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
